Introduction to Diary-ish

Every so often I will write a post about what’s going on in my life. It is random, probably not worth your time, but I feel it is needed on my website.


Old Home page with so much info...

Written word is dead until someone reads it. Readers give life to otherwise dead words.” – my belief. You can quote me on that. And that is why I love readers and I know every author I’ve ever read loves me.


You are here at your own risk! – Nah, just kidding. This is a danger-free zone. You are currently visiting my website and I am all about peace, love, LIFE, book, books, books, UNDERSTANDING, happiness, PROGRESS, thoughts, ideas and PEOPLE.


I know people can be a bit yak, but I still love people. Those individual psychos have little if any effect on the way I feel about people in general. I am fascinated by people. I can spend all day just thinking about some random person I met for only a few moments.


Combine my love for people with my fascination for life, and you are getting closer to knowing what kind of stuff is living in my head. And isn’t life just so wonderfully odd and bizarre? We are taught and (in some ways) created to make decisions and stick to them, yet life doesn’t do that. Life has not made any decisions. It leaves everything a bit undecided as if it likes exceptions, so every rule must have exceptions. And the only way to understand life is to be open to anything and everything including contradictions and novelties.


‘This too shall pass.’ Everyone has heard this? Yes. Good. Truer sentence has never been said. Everything will someday pass. However, the fact that everything in this life will ‘die’ has a lot to teach us? The fact that everything has an end is the big lesson? How amazing is that? ‘Everything that I am will pass, so take heed’. Why the heck should we learn from the fact that it’ll pass? And yet we do. And it’s such an important lesson. If you’re facing something good, don’t get arrogant, it will pass. If you’re facing something bad, don’t fret, it’ll pass. It’ll all just pass, yet it all means so much. Amazing!


And we can talk about the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ forever. First, there’s the fact that nothing is purely one or the other, except people’s actions – had to have an exception, didn’t we? But as far as natural life is concerned, it’s all a bit odd. Growth is important, yet it is a painful process. Hence, bad times usually make us grow – this would also explain why societies go up and down, up and down. Yes, it is reasonable to assume that societies that are currently up, will go down, while those that are down will go up, and then that will be a norm for some time, and then they will swap again. And again a new norm, and then swap again. And so and so forth for as long as we live. But good times make us feel blessed. Why? Because they feel good? i.e. we can choose to either grow or to feel good, and we constantly choose to just feel as good as we can, though we know the cost. Tell me that’s not amazing. Come on, I dare ya!


Yet, what are we supposed to do? Should we really want a degree of pain? How do we know when we’ve had enough? Perhaps we’ve had enough pain when we know how to appreciate beauty, because beauty can also help us grow as long as we know how to appreciate it. And we learn how to appreciate it through experiencing pain. Again, I don’t know about you, but I find this amazing. And this is not even the tip of the iceberg. Life is just full of things for us to explore. We can go on forever.


‘It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all’ – everyone heard of this one as well? Yes. Good. But WTF does it mean? Are we saying that pain of a lost love is better than not feeling anything, even though we know that the pain of lost love really hurts, I mean, that is some serious pain. I mean, I mentioned that maybe we should seek some pain, but lost love? Uh… That seems a bit extreme to me. I mean, that pain is akin to torture. But then, maybe it’s not about that. This sentence is clearly about a comparison – and while we’re at it, isn’t it great that everything is relative? Anyway, back to the comparison… We have the good feeling of being in love, followed by (probably) equally bad feeling of losing that love, compared to just not feeling one or the other, just being at peace. By the sound of this sentence, and I do agree with it on some deeply emotional and irrational level, we don’t want peace. No Sir! We would rather choose drama. Or would we?


What if this is really about giving something greater than just peace a chance? Taking a chance. A risk. Isn’t that another of those amazing things about life. Choices on one side, chances and risks are far more than just a choice. Giving someone or something a chance. Being given a chance. And then we get to expectations, shaped by our thoughts and ideas, our knowledge and past experiences, our unique perspective and, the ever so famous and complicated yet simple, gut feeling, intuition. Our expectations often lead to hope (at least at those times when we do give a chance), and hope was at the bottom of Pandora’s box, either as a sliver of mercy or the greatest of all evils. Hope. That’s it, four-letter word is either mercy or the greatest of evils. How can anyone not be fascinated by this enigma? All I’d like to do is figure out if hope is good or bad. Should life make this task easy? But life doesn’t do what it should, it does what it wants. Life is a rebel. And to live, means to be rebellious.


The word rebel brings stories of tragedies and triumphs, and sometimes, it’s both. Actually, is there a triumph without tragedy, without loss? Be that as it may, this leads us right back to ‘better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all’; i.e. better to give it a chance, to try, than not to try. Why are these two so similar? Because we are risking a life of pain, for something greater than just peace. As a war child and with the war in Ukraine, should anyone write a sentence I just wrote? Depends on us knowing the difference between being a rebel and being an attacker.


I could go on and on like this, hence I write. My books are not like this text. My books are stories, but these are the sort of thoughts that are constantly on my mind. Well these thoughts and many others. I am currently fascinated by those who think that if we populate Mars, it’ll all be different. I think that’s cute. But, maybe they’re right and I am wrong. Maybe humans will change completely once we move to another planet. I don’t know.


I’ll finish this with some of my favourite quotes:


The real things haven’t changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and to have courage when things go wrong.” Laura Ingalls Wilder


A hundred times a day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depends on the labours of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself to give in the same measure as I have received.” Albert Einstein


From success you get lots of things, but not that great inside thing that love brings you.” Sam Goldwyn


Better trust all, and be deceived. And weep that trust, and that deceiving; than doubt one heart, that, if believed, had blessed one’s life with true believing.” Frances Anne Kemble


Remember always that you have not only the right to be an individual; you have an obligation to be one. You cannot make any useful contribution in life unless you do this.” Elenor Roosevelt


All the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than a single lovely action.” James Russell Lowell


Doubts are more cruel than the worst of truths.” Moliere


If you educate a man you educate a person, but if you educate a woman you educate a family.” Ruby Manikan


I feel that what we must say to one another is based on encouraging each of us to be true to herself; ‘Now that we are equal, let us dare to be different!’” Maria De Lourdes Pintasilgo


A person’s true wealth is the good he or she does in this world.” Muhammed


Always be a little kinder than necessary.” Sir James M. Barrie


A loving heart is the truest wisdom.” Charles Dickens


Diary-ish: 22.02.2022.

Diary update – 22.02.2022. – had to be done on this day


Isn’t it funny how some lessons we have to re-learn no matter how well we learned them in the past? My recent shocker was ‘do NOT escape reality’. I have learned this in the past so many times, that truth is the only thing I want to hear. Seriously, I fear lies because of this. Do not run from what is real, especially at tough times.


Currently facing another wave, or tsunami, or tempest of doing things I don’t want to do, feeling trapped, forced, while everyone I love is suffering – long story short, bad time with a huge dose of anger and hoping that justice will come soon, seriously should have been here years ago. One psycho should have been decapitated in a freak accident that he and his wife deserve. But, leaving that aside and returning to the main topic, I met someone nice online.


I’ve heard stories that people find true love online, so I had to give it a go. All sounded lovely and it was great to escape this reality. Absolutely amazing. To the point, that I forgot my rule to never ever avoid reality. EVER! Because of all the issues that I am currently suffering, I needed a ‘good morning’ from this guy. How fucking pathetic is that?! I am so disappointed in myself.


He wasn’t available, never mind that, we were always just internet buddies, never met in real life, and I felt reality hit me harder than I ever expected. Just because he wasn’t available to say ‘Good morning’. In my twisted, damaged and deranged mind I needed those two words to help me ignore my reality.


Well, needless to say, I have stopped all communication with everyone online, I mean the private messaging, I’m still using Social Media. I also need to stop following this guy at least until this wave is over because I seriously cannot afford mistakes like this right now.


And what pisses me off even more, I don’t know one man who has had to face is own mind like this, because his emotions are all over the place, emotions about his family, his fate, his failures, his living conditions, his opportunities, his future etc etc etc… And then some strange comes along, finally something that feels nice, and everything just goes to buggery. That is so fucking annoying.


So, do not escape reality. If there is only one iffy thing to feel good about, don’t feel good. Feeling bad is part of life and just let it be. Don’t be an idiot like I’ve just been.


PS I didn’t win any of the Vocal competitions. That’s a bit of a bummer.



Diary-ish: 24.11.2021

So soon, right? Well, it’s amazing how much time and energy you free up once you have enough cash for the bills. I need to stop living like this, from one paycheck to another, never knowing when a paycheck will arrive. I can see that as my pathway to true success.


My mum’s friend’s daughter joined a dating site and met a great guy, got married, is very happy now, so, of course, my mother ordered me to join the same website. It wasn’t a choice for me to make. I just did it. I knew how it would go, or I had some idea. Goodness, I had no idea I’d be so popular. I had like 100s of likes within an hour or so, many sent a message as well. I wrote back to about 20. It was nuts for a few days. Messages flooded. But it all went quite after a few days – turns out, too many men are on dating sites looking for sex. Some were even married. Oh dear. However… There’s this one guy. I didn’t think that much of him at first. In fact, he too alluded to sex and just sex. I carried on replying to his messages. For weeks now we just wish each other good morning and good night, every single day. And sometimes during the day he sends ‘what are you doing’. I tell him what I’m doing and I ask him what he’s doing. He tells me and that’s it. In short, we have no conversation. It’s just about ‘good morning, how are you’ and ‘good night, kiss’. That’s it. It’s been going on for few weeks now and it is every day without a fail. I like him. Logic tells me I shouldn’t, but there is something in that regularity. It’s dependable. I know it’s crazy, but I like it.


Then again, one day he wrote that it’s his birthday. I sent him a ‘happy birthday’ gif. He said ‘It’s my other birthday’. Turns out, that’s when he going out of a concentration camp. I said that that counts as a birthday. That’s it. I know he has kids. No idea how old, what happened to their mother, I have no idea where he’s from, I don’t know that much about the guy. But I think he knows something other men don’t. I have to use this in one of my books. So simple, yet so effective.


On the other hand, I’ve been watching 2.5 men. I can’t say I’m a big fan of the show, in fact, it gives a really bad impression of women and people in that area. But, they’ve got this Walden character played by Ashton Kutcher, and Walden wants a kid. Walden keeps being rejected by women because he has no luck in love. Seriously, I know a whole bunch of women who’d obsess over this character. They would definitely jump at the chance to give him a kid. But, Walden is so out of luck he decides to marry Alan so that he can adopt a child. I’m pretty sure this is a writer’s glitch. Come on! Explore Walden’s options a bit more. Walden has options. Really, he does. Guide him to and through them. Apparently, according to this show, this character’s main problem is that he falls in love too quickly. Hahahaha… Yeah, that’s a real problem. Come on. Confessions of love are beautiful. Sure, there are some people who don’t see it, but most normal people see confessions, any kind of true confession as beautiful. I haven’t experienced this many times in my life, but those few moments when someone confessed something to me are just the most amazing experiences. So I really think this character could and should grow.


In other, more important news. I’ve just sent a brief for a quote to a proofreader for Just Another Life. The plan is to republish the book and this time do it right. Fingers crossed.




Diary-ish: 23.11.2021.

Oh my!


Title of my autobiography (if I ever write one) will be: Almost Made It. It’s shocking how often I thought something would ‘work out’ only to have it disappear completely. The latest ‘almost made it’ episode involves finding a writing partner for my script. The guy sounded perfect for the role – we chatted a bit and you know when you just get a sense about someone. And then he said he spent most of his life in Ireland, the character has Irish roots, I thought that was a sign. I suggested it, he agreed, and then never wrote again. WTF happened? LOL Seriously! And it sounded like it might help him as well, or I just had a feeling that it would. I think I need to stop listening to my f-ing instinct. Clearly I got it completely wrong.


Well, back to the same old – depending on my muse. The good thing about finding a famous person to be your muse is that every so often there is news about them. That news acts like a little trigger. However my muse is looking a little tires and thin lately, which does not fit in with my story. The character in my story is happy, happy, happy, a little tired from the big case, but he’s got the love of his life by his side and so he’s happy, overall. And she’s a good cook, so he is NOT losing weight. If I could call my muse I would have a ‘all capital letters’ message. As it is, should I work on the part where something happens to her and he… No, even in that part he holds it together. This is not good. This person is just not living their life the way they should so I can write my book easier. If I wasn’t so selfish I’d probably worry about this person, who seems really nice. But I’m too selfish for that so I hope he gets it together soon, appear over-the-moon happy, so I can write my book. Sheesh, these famous people think only about themselves. Okay, enough BSing.


My book is going well but not well enough. I have another 35 days to get the first draft done. It’s possible but… I have to sort out Just Another Life – this is a long story for another time. I have to find a regular source of income. I have to carry on with the work on the documentary and lobby for Bosnia. All kinds of chores I have to get on with… In short, just crap lots to do. But, if I could at least find a writing partner for the screenplay that would be so great. I can almost see it happening with like little chats and messing about. I mean, the whole story is there, it’s about repackaging it. But to repackage it I need someone to bounce ideas off of, and go through the lines, and see what they think, and if they have any ideas, stuff like that.


Moving on… First step is sorting out JAL while writing my stuff and fighting for Bosnia, and doing the little things to make enough money for the bills. This should keep me too busy to think about a screenplay, but I really want to do at least one screenplay before the end of the year.




Diary-ish and other nonsense: 09.11.2021.

It’s a Wonderful Life vs Life is Beautiful – two very different yet strangely similar movies, with very similar titles, appeal to me right now. Or at least I think I can relate to them… I don’t know.


Have you ever had times when a lot is happening and nothing at all is happening at the same time? I’m having one of those times. I’ve got so much to do that I keep having to put off because money-making stuff is a priority – I know a lot of people will be able to relate. Isn’t it just so frustrating, especially when you think about how much you should be getting paid compared to how much you are being paid, and how that means you have to work more, which means that you have to leave the things you want to do and things you think you should be doing for the improvement in the long run for even longer. And so the long run is never ending. And eventually, you find yourself praying that you just survive… Survive to what? Death? Please God, help me survive to death – I love it! LOL. I think I’ll do a short story based on this idea. If you want God to answer your prayers, this is one of those that is certain to be answered. You will survive to death. Might not be a pleasant survival, but it will be a survival.


Alright, now that we have the depressive part out of the way – I got to get the Russian influence out of me, don’t I? I know, it’s ironic, I mentioned two movies, one America, the other Italian, and now I’m talking about the Russian influence on me, which I deeply regret. But during Yugoslavia we HAD to read all the Russians. I still feel I was way too young for that.


Let me move this along to more current topics and seasons. So the situation in Bosnia is becoming heated. It seems changes are likely and some politicians are feeling the heat. The big question now is: Are they stupid enough to start a war in an attempt to save themselves? Well, here are a couple of things to consider: 1. Do they think they will win? 2. Do they know what will happen to them if they lose?


If they are certain that they will win, there will be a war. This will be a great tragedy and loss of life. Serbia will complain how Serbs were killed, like no Serbs should ever be killed it doesn’t matter if they went to war or not. It took us years to tell them that we know Serbs were killed in the war in Bosnia, and that they do not need to point that out. But, unlike them, to us all people matter the same. Serbs do not agree with this and insist that in every instance we must say how many Serbs were killed. Honestly, one day I hope we do just that for every town, city and village, every battle, every concentration camp, every atrocity carried out in Bosnia, I hope we’ll have a list like: Genocide in Srebrenica – 8271 Muslims killed, 2 Catholics killed, 0 Serbs killed; and then: Prijedor, Zvornik, Vlasenica, Sarajevo, Zenica, Mostar, Livno, Trebinje etc. Battle of 01.01.1993 near this place… - you see where I’m going with this. I hope someday we will have such detailed account of how many people were killed where, how, and who were those people. But before we get on with that, we have to stop another military conflict; another WAR war. The Dayton Peace Agreement didn’t stop the war; it stopped the military conflict but not the war.


So, are Serbian politicians stupid enough to think they can win now even though they failed to win in 1992 when they had EVERY advantage there is, including the element of surprise and being fully armed attacking unarmed civilians? This also depends on whether they know what they will lose if they lose the war… - I know, sounds strange, but that's the way we roll. 


So far, in Hague, Serbs have done pretty well considering the atrocities they carried out. People like Slobodan Milosevic got sick and apparently died. Seselj is free – he also got so ill, they had to release him. However, people like Radovan Karadzic are complaining how hard it is for them in prison. So, Vucic and Dodik might be inclined to fear and not fear being accused and charged and convicted of crimes against humanity.


Another question we should ask is: Do they know that there are countries that will not expedite them for crimes life theft, corruption, nepotism, but they will expedite them for war crimes? I.e. they are afraid of losing their place of comfort gained through illegal means, they don’t want to lose any of that comfort, in fact, they want more. However, at what cost? How likely are they to think in terms of: If I escape now, I can live in X country, a very good life, but if I go to war I might end up in prison for crimes against humanity? This is what we’re waiting to see. How are they thinking about their options now that changes are inevitable?


In other news: Now that I have earned enough money to pay the bills, I need to find a way to earn enough to replace my laptop, ipad, and phone – I know, all three at once. Thing is, I usually buy all the stuff I need in one go (don’t like shopping so when I do go, I like to get all I need in one swoop, and shopping without money is like a million times worse than just shopping, but that’s a different story), so it all needs replacing about the same time. My ipad still works, but the OS doesn’t support a bunch of apps I need. So… A nightmare. Now I’m trying to find balance between coping with the crappy stuff I already have and doing what I think I need to do, focus on stuff that could earn enough so I don’t have to stop to make sure I can pay my bills. And doing stuff that could earn some money now so I replace the crappy stuff ASAP. It is a tough choice.


Now that I have mentioned this choice… I was contacted by Mackenzie Scott Foundation again. Oh to see that dream like that, even when you know it’s fake, you need to make sure. It’s just the idea of ‘what if’ that makes you do crazy things. So I did make sure. I wrote an article about it; in a nutshell, the part about the foundation seems legit, but the part about their delivery is FAKE! And it was the ‘delivery’ part that asked me for A LOT of money. However, I have to be honest, for a moment, I could picture it being real, and it was nice. Oh man, that money would just sort me out completely. Anyway, it’s not real. It’s not going to happen. So I need to figure out my next paycheck and how to stop living like this. This is NO way to live.


Diary-ish: 22.10.2021.

Don’t you just hate scammers? Oh my God!


No, I’m not talking about the Nigerian prince, we’ve handled that pretty well, and I don’t think anyone would send money to a ‘Nigerian prince’ any more. This one is far worse because it abuses genuine goodness, the type so rare in this day and age, that it should be rewarded not abused.


I’ll publish articles about this, but for now I will say this much. First they asked for a huge sum. Which, honestly, we do not have. I thought the thing was over, they send me another message how they will pay most of it, I just have to pay $2,100. Now, fair enough, this is not such a big deal. Heck, even we have this kind of money and our organization is close to closing, officially closing, we’ll still keep working. It’s a long story about the insanity of the taxation system in Bosnia, which we are working on changing – it’s a long story, let me just say that an economist in Bosnia got confused between income and donation, and decided to treat them the same! I am NOT kidding. And you’d think this would be easy to change. And it would be if it wasn’t for the political system in Bosnia. Which we are also trying to change. Hopefully before there’s another war. Fingers crossed.


Sorry, back to the scam. I’m one of those people who always feels responsible. Now that I’m involved with this, I have to do all I can to prevent other poor people from getting hurt. When it comes to the large sum, I think a lot of people would hear alarm bells, though there would be some ‘risk-takers’ who might just lose their home to get that money. When it comes to this smaller sum, a lot more people would go for it. Yet I know how some people would seriously feel the loss of $2,100.


I communicated in no uncertain terms that we have no money. Yet these individuals persisted. That means they just want the money. They don’t care. They went as far as to accuse me of being unable to run an organization because I refused to give them this money. In the article that will be published soon I mention how I was led to believe that this was real – these people did their homework; the main page is a real update, or at least it sounds like it. But I will also say why I know they’re scammers. In fact, if I had the time to do more research, I’m sure I could have uncovered more to prove they are scammers.


We’re fine. I knew I wasn’t going to give them a cent no matter how tempting it is, and it was tempting. Oh my God the difference that money would have made. Seriously! Oh man! I mean, it would make a lot of difference to a lot of people, but in my case, it’s the projects I’m working on. With that money we could change DPA, and start the NGO School towards the NGO rating system. This could revolutionise… the world, really. It wouldn’t right away, it would take years, but it would be that one seed so needed right now. Do you have any idea how much goes into the NGO sector? If we could make that function better, oh… No wonder we’re being blockaded left, right and centre, right? This money would have liberated us to get on with it. I could already feel it, sense it, see it… Oh! It was amazing. So of course I was tempted. The moment the possibility of these funds showed up, my mind went into a frenzy. Realising that it’s all fake, a lie, that was smart. So I do want to tell people to be smart. No matter how tempting it gets, stay rational.


In other news, I have NOT figured out a way to organise the other author’s websites. I have tried. I thought I would have one of those when you hover over the page name, a list of options comes up, but I can’t do it. I need a web designer. For now, I’ll just get all the websites on the list so that I can visit them, keep up to date, and we’ll see if we can find a way later on. I also hope to organise events and such in the future, but I think I might need to outsource that for now.


Medium has tried to get my PP sorted out, but failed. It’s to do with the fact that I am currently in Bosnia. I managed to become a paying member. I even managed to sort out the tax stuff. But the Medium website is the problem. Apparently they’re working on sorting it out. In my humble opinion, there was no need to make this mess in the first place, but what do I know? Anyway, I guess I will focus more on Substack and Vocal for now. I can’t go to the UK during the pandemic just to sort out Medium PP. That would be insane.


That’s it for now. How’s everyone doing?



A little nothing about me

I thought I’d do a little note about how the past few days have been.


In short, a bit of an empty nightmare. In case you’re wondering what the heck that is, keep reading.


After exhausting myself to make enough money to pay the bills, my mind went into so strange shutdown. It feels like its waiting for some miraculous act of justice. I guess, I could say, my brain is on strike. It doesn’t want to bother itself any more with things that lead to nothing at all. Except that paying my bills is not nothing at all. So why is my mind seeing it as if it was?


Coffee with a friend didn’t help at all, which is very surprising. But then, our lives are drifting apart. It’s nice that she has found a path for herself. I know I’m not jealous. She has been through hell. I honestly wish her the best of luck. I guess I could do with a bit of luck too.


The thing that bugs me the most is organising the list of authors on the ‘Other Authors’ page on this very site. I mean, I love that so many people responded. I have lots more to add. And I am so happy to be promoting other authors as well as myself. And I’m helping readers discover authors. Can’t get better than that. But I want to do it right. I want to organise that page so that it really helps. Yet my brain refuses to have an idea on how to do it.


Genre seems the most obvious choice, but there are authors, myself included, who do not write to a specific genre. I could call those ‘genre fluid authors’ – I wrote a bit about it previously, and how I write to a theme, so do other authors have a theme? If they do, what is it?


Then, some authors posted links to their books. I’m cool with that, I just don’t want to mix it up with other pages, i.e. discovering other authors and not just their books. So I need to find a way to promote the books, yet I don’t want to promote every book anyone has ever published.


This is so not a good time for my brain t just refuse to work. I know it will start up again, soon, but I need it to work NOW!


I should also mention that this happens to me when I’m expecting a response for something that could change my life. The odd thing is, whatever response I get, I would still keep doing this. Sure, it would be much easier if the response is positive, I would probably pay for a better website options, which would mean that all these decision would be easier to handle, but still… Why am I unable to think about anything other than: What will they say?


Anyway, that’s it for now. Hope everyone is well. Leave me a note… I like knowing I’m not talking to myself here 



Update and rant warning: 12.10.2021.

I spent most of my day NOT writing, NOT promoting my work, NOT catching up on messages, NOT filling in application forms, NOT even looking for opportunities, I spent my day sorting out stuff with PayPal, voting, council tax, bills, bills, bills, loans, and such stupid stuff that you only need to do when your income falls so dramatically that no one believes you can still be alive.


Q1: How am I supposed to get on with finding a paid employment if EVERY institution on this planet will send me forms and questions, and sub questions, with need to prove this and need to prove that?


Q2: The only alternative to survival is… Death! Yes. That is what we imply when we wonder how someone survived. So, are they really asking me how am I not dead? Seriously, let’s just think for a moment. What is death?


In short, NOT having the best time right now. I know there are worst cases, please do NT tell me to take comfort in that. I hate that. Other people’s misery NEVER EVER makes me feel better. I will find a way to get my head out of this reality so I can get on with real stuff, stuff that might just solve all these problems so at least I do NOT have to face them again. As long as I don’t have to face them ever again, I will be fine… Sort of. Let’s be honest, a person does NOT forget times like this. Time will not erase this. But if reality can improve, so that the ‘present moment’ is better, and this is all in the past, it will make a world of a difference.


Alright, rant over, getting back to work.


A little update on me: 04.10.2021.

As I get a little more organised, I get a lot less stressed, which means that I will be posting a more regularly then I have been in the last week or so.


100 day writing challenge with London Writers’ Salon. Great stuff, it’s just that I missed like a week doing all kinds of stiff, trying to get my life in order, so I’m a little behind with this challenge. But, I am trying to catch up. There’s still some time till the New Year, and the New Year is when the ‘fat lady shall sing’. Hope I like her song. And I will if I just stick to the plan, I am firm with it in such a way that everyone knows this is important to me. No messing about and making excuses. I want the first draft of Immortality of Fireflies, Vol. 2 - Relationship, done by the New Year. When I think back to how easily Vol. 1 came, it makes me want to cry and jump for joy. On the one hand, it was so easy because of isolation. I got it done so easily only because there was a pandemic going on. How pathetic is that? On the other hand, it’s great, because I know I can do it.


I have joined Medium - link to my account is on the home page. I think I have figured out the basics in terms of how it works, now I can focus on writing the articles, joining publications, and reading other people’s stuff. There is some seriously cool stuff on there. Some bad stuff as well, but hey, that’s not too bad. Sometimes it’s good to read bad stuff; you can learn a lot from it. So I’m grateful to everyone who posted their articles. Right now, my focus is on getting 100 followers. Last time I checked (about an hour ago) I had 69. So 31 to go. Once I get the 100 followers, I’ll be applying for the Partnership Program. Then I can start making money on Medium, which would be so amazing. After that, reading and publishing will be my only focus on Medium. I will not be checking my statistics fanatically as I have done for the past week.


My brother introduced me to one of his ‘friends’. This guy likes to help. So we do have that in common. We spoke a few times about getting funds for the ‘How (not) to End a War; Dayton Peace Agreement in Spotlight’ documentary. I guess I should have kept calling him, though every time we spoke, he was too positive and then nothing happened. I find this annoying. I know, modern philosophy is all about being positive, convincing yourself, everyone around you and the world that you can do it, that you will do it. I do wonder how these people feel when they realise the reality, realise that they haven’t done it, or that it has not been done? I like being positive, but I also like being realistic. Bless his good intentions, if that’s what they were (I mean, I don’t really know, that’s what intentions are like), but we missed the deadline and now I have no idea if I want to try with him again. Maybe it is worth another shot.


Jay the Dracula is having an interesting time, NOT. But the more people I speak to, the more people like it. I hope there will be someone who will commit to it. That’s what I really need. Not that I don’t like the compliments, I love the compliments, but I need something with a little more substance. You know what I mean?


I don’t know what to think of my publisher - this is for next time, I can't write about it yet. It is a tough thought. When they agreed to publish my book I was so grateful, so inspired, motivated, honored, it is now hard to think that it was not real... 


I am typing this from my garden in the hills. It is a lovely day. But my battery is running out, so I got to end it here. Will be back a lot more regularly from now on. Please keep in touch :)


Best wishes to all.

The Pyramids

Last week I visited the pyramids in Visoko, Bosnia. It wasn’t exactly a big trip, since Visoko is like 30-minutes drive from here. But it was a huge trip in every other way. I’ve read so much about them since they were discovered – basically, a guy noticed that the slopes of a hill were too straight and geometric despite all the growth on them. They started digging and sure enough they discovered a whole valley of pyramids. Apparently these are considerably older than the ones in Egypt. Trust us Europeans to mess it all up – LOL. There we were, convinced that we’ve got the beginning of civilization all figured out, and then the frigging Europeans come up with some info that just chucks all we knew right out ‘d wind’w’.


There’s still a lot of work to be done there. A lot has already been done, especially considering how the team have no support of any kind. It is insane to think that a discovery like this, on European soil, did not result in the flood of support from all over. But, the fact is, it did not. In fact, many will dismiss the find and call it a hoax, without giving it a fair glance. Maybe that’s a good thing considering the state of the world that we live in, the cheap politicians, large amounts of money in the hands of idiots and so on.


Anyhow, the pyramids are real and the team are digging these tunnels (it’s more like an underground labyrinth) that go all the way to the Sun Pyramid. Of the about 4km, they’ve dug up about 380m – so, not that far. But they’ve found water under there. They pumped out the water, only to find it returned to the same level by the following day. It might be a coincidence, but we had floods the following year in this part of Bosnia. Anyway… They did all kinds of measures and what not, I can only pretend to understand what it all means, but I’ll mention some of them later on. For now, I want to talk about my experience.


I felt like Alice in Wonderland inside those tunnels. I’m not claustrophobic, but let’s be honest, you start walking in a tunnel and you walk and walk, it’s getting dark, narrow, you should feel some tightening. On the contrary. In these tunnels, the further you go, the lighter you feel. They’ve installed lights, but there are some really dark corners. I wondered into those, all by myself, LOVED IT! There is no adrenalin, it’s just relaxing. It’s just wonderful.


There are no animals of any kind under there – which is odd, since it is underground and there’s water, animals like rodents and insects find their way, but not here. Not one. I spotted a couple of strange mushrooms growing from the ceiling, like little decorative pieces. And that’s it. There is no other vegetation either.


Large ‘energy’ rocks are scattered all over. Everyone says they could feel the rock getting warmer as they brought their hands close to it. Even my niece said she felt it when she visited the pyramids with her school. I didn’t feel that. I don’t know why. It just felt like any other rock to me. That was a bit of a downer, but it didn’t matter all that much. I wondered off, to see how far the tunnels go. Oh my goodness. I can’t remember a better adventure. I can’t even imagine what it’ll be like when they dig the whole tunnel. It’ll be magic. So, I have to help that along. I am putting together a story, and I’ll be donating the proceeds to the foundation. But I have to make it one heck of a story, so wish me luck.


Before I end this note, I want to leave some facts from the tunnels:

Bovis Scale-Vibrational quality:
Healthy person – 7,500 Bovis
Tibetan temple – 14,000 Bovis
The tunnel – 25,000 Bovis

Concentration of negative ions on Sep 2018: 40,000 – 60,000 neg.ion/ccm
Negative ions increase the flow of oxygen to the brain.

Airflow – excellent
Oxygen – 19.2-20.9%
Humidity 85%


There are numerous meditation rooms along the way.


The tunnels are filled with lovely, earthy aroma.


There are no sound except for the water dripping slowly and your footsteps.


You have to wear a hardhat (which you are given at the entrance), and bend down in numerous place as the ceilings are low.


These pyramids were not built to be tombs. In fact, I think they are the very opposite of the pyramids in Egypt with respect to their purpose. These pyramids are about life and love, and heath, energy and unity with the universe. Apparently, they’re much more precise to the astral bodies – I have no idea if this has anything to do with anything. But, apparently, some kind of magnetism is really huge.


If you want more info, here’s the link to the official website for the pyramids: There you’ll find other information and discoveries like the large stone balls, which can be found in other places all over the world, and all over Bosnia.


Now, I have to get cracking with the story about the pyramids, but here are a few more images for you to enjoy.